Weird Shit from Trump’s Weird-Ass Interview with the Daily Caller

So two industrious reporters who work for The Daily Caller (motto: “We’re Breitbart with boobs, much like Tucker Carlson”) got to interview President Donald Trump, who is really just a baby whale that swam through toxic waste. As is always the case whenever Trump grants an interview, it was the typical saute’ of stupidity, incompetence, and cruelty, all mixed in a pan made of an idiot’s arrogance. But beyond the dumbfuckery, what comes through most is that Trump’s brain is just fuckin’ weird. The toxic combination of spray tan chemicals and age-related dementia has left him unable to keep to a single thought, or it makes him just say weird shit.

For instance, early on, the reporters (who I’m not gonna name because, fuck them, they work for The Daily Caller) ask him about replacing Chief of Staff John Kelly and DHS Secretary Kirstjen Nielsen. After saying how great his cabinet is, Trump, for no reason, jumps to “Uh, we’ve been doing incredibly on trade deals and trade with my whole staff of traders, because that’s what they are” and then jumps back to how great his cabinet is.

Really, the next line in the transcript should be one of the reporters muttering, “The fuck?” while the other says, “Forget it, man. We don’t work for a real news website.”

Trump credits himself for saving the news media, talking again about how everything was failing until he came along. He creepily says, “You know, cable television was supposed to be a dying medium. And because of me it’s now hotter than it’s ever been. But someday I won’t be here and it will die like you’ve never seen. And so will The New York Times — will die — and every one of them will just be dead.” Not “go out of business” or “go off the air.” No, those fuckers are gonna be dead.

He just kept going about the Times. Seriously, this is some weird shit: “I remember picking up before I announced for president, I picked up The New York Times and I said to somebody, ‘Boy, this paper is dead, look at it.’ The paper was dead. It was like a leaflet that you hand out at the supermarket.” Um, I subscribed to the print edition for years. It was never like a grocery store ad. But I’m guessing that he was just mad there was no comics page.

The derangement continued when he was asked about the possibility of shutting down the government over funding for his stupid fucking wall. Trump bounced from subject to subject like a gecko on meth. He talked about borders and then, for some reason, who knows, Robert Mueller’s investigation crept into his shrinking brain: “Just like the witch hunt, the Mueller witch hunt. It’s pure harassment. It’s horrible. It’s horrible that they’re allowed to get away with it. Again, not Senate confirmed but, you know. You have 17 people — half, many of them worked for Hillary Clinton, some on the Foundation. The Hillary Clinton Foundation.” There is no Hillary Clinton Foundation, just a Clinton Foundation.

Then, right before he bizarrely said that you need a photo i.d. to buy a box of cereal (maybe Oxy Krispies?), he offered about “illegal” voting, “And I’ve seen it, I’ve had friends talk about it when people get in line that have absolutely no right to vote and they go around in circles. Sometimes they go to their car, put on a different hat, put on a different shirt, come in and vote again.”

Let’s pause for a second here: First he says he saw this happen. Then he realized that was too much of a lie, so he goes with his more reliable lie that others told him they saw it. Then, discussing how people go all Dopey by running around and getting back in line to vote, he seems to have no idea how voting occurs. Also, how fucking dumb does someone have to be to be a non-citizen or something and not only vote, but vote multiple times? That’s some major effort at criminality with little payoff.

Moving on, in a quote that’s gotten precious little attention, Trump essentially advocates for white supremacists to beat up Antifa protesters: “They better hope that the opposition to Antifa decides not to mobilize. Because if they do, they’re much tougher. Much stronger. Potentially much more violent. And Antifa’s going to be in big trouble.”

Trump ended the interview by bragging about how big his crowds were at his rallies of the damned, how he got Republicans to win, and how he is the greatest. He may as well have unzipped his pants and said, “Fellas, I’m gonna jack off on you. And you’re gonna sit there however long it takes. Then you can walk out with my jizz on you.”

And the two Daily Caller reporters would have sat smiling as they awaited their blessing from Donald Trump.

Editor’s Note: This essay originally appeared on November 15, 2018, on The Rude Pundit, a website featuring commentary by Lee Papa.  It was reproduced here with the consent of Mr. Papa.

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