A Weary Nation Watches Trump and Asks, “What the Hell Was That?”

Today, President Donald Trump, who is really just three hogs stacked on top of each other while wearing a trash bag with a tie, called a White House Rose Garden “press conference,” the ostensible purpose of which was to announce some half-cocked new way to punish China for trade shit. I’m not going to bother trying to figure out our trade relationship with China because it ain’t something that I can comprehend, and that’s what makes you a goddamn adult: the willingness to say, “I don’t fuckin’ know about this,” not “I know more than anyone” as a way to hide your blinding ignorance.

Speaking with blinding ignorance, Trump pretty quickly jettisoned the idea of a press conference and decided to act like he was at one of his bullshitter rallies, where every shape of geek, ghoul, and goober screams their appreciation for Trump givin’ those minorities what-for (until his speech goes on too long and they get bored and anxious because the goat waiting for them back home ain’t gonna fuck itself). The major difference is that without the braying jackasses in the crowd giving him some kind of energy he could vampirically suck from them, Trump sounded bored, stoned, drunk, lethargic, distracted, and that was on top of the usual rambling incoherence, constant repetition, and irrational rhetoric.

See, Trump had a list of shit that he said Joe Biden and the Democrats believe. Sounding like Willy Loman on quaaludes, Trump said, “Biden was here for 47 years. Eight years, the last eight years, not long ago as Vice President. He said, ‘One in five miles of our highways are still in poor condition.’ Well, we’re doing a good job on highways, but why didn’t he fix them three years ago? Why didn’t he fix them? Tens of thousands of bridges are in disrepair and on the verge of collapse. Well, that’s probably not a right number, but we have bridges that should have been fixed. Why didn’t he fix him? He was here for eight years with President Obama. Why didn’t they fix them? Tens of thousands of bridges.”

Is it worth fact-checking any of this? Is it worth talking about how most of Biden’s career was as one of 100 senators and thus couldn’t just “fix” anything? Is it worth talking about how President Obama desperately tried to get an infrastructure bill passed but was blocked at every turn by the infected congressional cockholes in the GOP? Or that Biden helped get the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act passed, which actually did do something for infrastructure, something that Trump hasn’t done at fucking all?

No. It doesn’t. It’s a waste of time to make the effort (sorry, Daniel Dale). Trump’s slavering idiot hordes actually believe he’s telling the truth. People around Trump who know better stay silent or continue to back the lies. And the rest of us with, you know, eyes, ears, and non-Adderall-fucked brains understand that Trump’s going to lie, he’s lying now, and he’s nothing but lies and scams and failure. He repeats lies even after they’re shown not to be lies. Lies are his lube and America is his blow-up doll and he’s gonna fuck it until it pops and then he’ll have it patched and blow it up again and go to town once more.

But, more than the lying, there’s simply asking, “What the fuck was that today?” Because, seriously, “We did a travel ban in January. Nancy Pelosi was dancing in the streets of Chinatown in San Francisco a month later and even later than that and others too”? What the fuck? It’s like something that’s said for incels who are jacking off to the idea of Trump hate fucking Pelosi with his words, daring the cucks to cancel them (or something- I don’t speak psychopath).

Nothing is more harmful than the insanity he spouts about COVID-19, which is literally causing people to allow themselves to get sick and die. Now kids are going to die or get other people sick who will die because of his refusal to face the reality of the virus. Here he is on it: “Frankly, if we didn’t test, you wouldn’t have all the headlines because we’re showing cases. And we have just about the lowest mortality rate. But if we did… Think of this, if we didn’t do testing, instead of testing over 40 million people, if we did half the testing, we would have half the cases. If we did another… You cut that in half, we’d have yet again, half of that, but the headlines are always testing.”

And you wanna scream, “Motherfucker, testing doesn’t fill the hospital ICUS in Texas and Florida!” But you’d be screaming into a void, a soulless, sucking vortex that wants to devour everything in its attempt to be all there is that exists.

Everything I just described to you took place in the first 18 minutes of Trump’s rant today.  He went on for another 35 minutes, mostly blathering on about how Joe Biden and the Democrats will be nicer to immigrants (including saying this weird shit: “[The Democrats will] grant work permits for illegal aliens, so if you come in illegally, you get a work permit. People that live here don’t get work permits, many cases,” because we don’t fucking need work permits, you stupid, rotting tangerine) and musing about punishing protesters while protecting Andrew Jackson’s horse statue. Then he took a couple of token questions before fucking off to tweet.  The reporters should have walked out. They should have said, “Fuck this. We’ll watch the video later. You misled us about what this whole bullshit was about” and just left Fox “news” and the One America ass remora who is always with Trump.

We are watching last days of Jonestown here right now. And I just wanna ask Trump voters (or maybe I don’t because I know what the answer will be): How do you trust someone who says this shit? How do you say that this is the man you will follow off a cliff? You fucking know he’d tell you to jump and, yes, absolutely, he’ll be right behind; Trump’s not even a good cult leader. But they’d be fine leaping anyways if he told them to. Because he told them to.

What the hell was that? It was the soliloquy at the beginning of Act V of our national tragedy.

Editor’s Note: This essay originally appeared on July 14, 2020 on The Rude Pundit, a website featuring commentary by Lee Papa.  It was reproduced here with the consent of Mr. Papa.

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